Iron that dress!

By Palmer, Alfred T., photographer. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

We all dream about making a change in someone’s life.  We think that perhaps if we did this or if we did that, we could alter their whole outlook on life.  In our parenting years, we believe that if we set enough rules we can save our children the heartbreak that we ourselves went through, or protect them from the world or from some of our personal fears. 

But actually, being on this side of parenting, I realise that actually there’s very little I can do to save my children or indeed anyone else’s children from doing exactly what they want to do.  I can guide, teach and beg, but the end decision is that of the said person. 

The only true answer to our problems is to love.  Judging doesn’t work.  It only alienates and separates.  The single sure way to win someone’s heart is to love them and to live by example so they want to follow.  No quick fix, it takes time and patience and above all…LOVE!!

When my mother, also called Wendy, was a young girl, she was brought up by a single uncle, her father's brother (her father had divorced her mother and remarried).  This uncle later married a Godly lady, but they themselves never had biological children, instead struggling to bring up two beautiful little girls, my Mum and her sister Christian, two years her junior. 

It wasn’t easy to make decisions for someone else’s children, but this was their lot and they did it bravely.  Yolande, as her Aunt was called, never preached to Wendy.  She tried to live her life by example.  It couldn’t have been easy as the girls grew and developed their own personalities.  My mother was a fiery redhead who had learned to fight for her little sister against all the odds. Although brought up with a distant knowledge of God, she had no relationship with Him as such. 

But, she loved to dance.  It was just after the war and there hadn't been much happiness around, but the release that dancing brought made life a bit brighter.  Of course, Yolande, as a devout and strict Christian in those days, did not believe in dancing.  But wisely she never criticised my Mum when she left for the dances in the small local halls. The lads all dressed up and the girls made great effort to be as beautiful as they could be with the limited resources they had.  My mum told me often about how the girls dyed their legs with the colour in tea and drew a straight line up the back of their legs to give the appearance of wearing tights.  In those days, a much stricter dress code was observed and everyone tried their best to keep up the tradition. 

On many nights, when my Mum came home from work, my Aunt Yolande would be getting my Mum’s clothes ready for her to leave as quickly as possible.  She would iron her dress to make sure she was the ‘belle of the ball’ and polish her shoes.  My mother, being young, often took it for granted, but one night as she hurriedly painted her legs for the dance, she looked at the older lady and inquired, “Why are you ironing my dress to help me go to a dance, when you yourself do not believe in going to them?”  Yolande quickly responded, “I want you to look your best and to enjoy every moment you have there, as it’s the only heaven you’re going to have.”  Those words pierced my mother’s young heart and all night as she danced around the hall, she kept hearing the words, “this is the only heaven you will have”. It wasn’t said out of spite, or to make her feel bad: it was said out of a heart of love.  Her aunt kept preparing her clothes and ironing her dresses, but her words penetrated my mother’s heart.

What if this was the only heaven she would enjoy?  What if there was nothing else after death?  Suddenly she began to search and ask questions of this lady who was showing such kindness.  Yolande never spoke much regarding her beliefs, but when asked could give a sure and steadfast account of what God had done for her and how He was willing to do it for all who came to Him in sincerity. 

It led of course to my Mother finding God and living her life for Him, bringing us all up to know Him as our own personal Saviour.  How could ironing a dress have had this possible consequence?  How could someone show that God was real just by the way they lived their life?  It was only through the manifestation of love.  If preaching were to save the world, everyone would be saved by now.  But love is the key. 

Many of us struggle with the fear that maybe some of our loved ones will miss the call of God.  They seem to have turned their backs on Him and are living according to their own plan for their lives. But, take courage, where there’s life – there’s hope!

If you feel despair, if you think your love for someone isn’t having an effect, then just keep on going.  It may take longer than we hoped, maybe longer than we can understand, but my simple hope is that if we keep on loving, God will do the work and ‘restore’ the years that the locust has eaten.

Keep ‘ironing the dress’, keep ‘polishing the shoes’. Do all things possible to live the gospel.  Leave the rest up to an ‘all knowing and powerful God’. 

Wendy Tomin

Co-Pastor, Kairos Christian Centre

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