If ever we begin to think we can make life on our own, we are sadly mistaken. Should we ever have the notion that we don’t need anyone in our lives, we are on a slippery slope to isolation and loneliness.
I’ve never functioned very well on my own. All of us are different, but however self-sufficient we feel we are, I believe there are times in our lives, many times, that we need people around us. Loneliness is a terrible affliction.
The most important thing we can cultivate is a circle of people around us to whom we can relate. There are so many levels of friendships these days and the old term ‘forever friends’ seems to be something of a dying breed. If we have people around us from childhood then we are blessed. But with the global movement of this present day, people are moving further and further away from their birth places, uprooting children and leaving family and friends behind.
One of the most wonderful things that I’ve found since I moved to Romania is the warmth of the people I have met. I have been invited for coffee and to their homes for food and often I realise they don’t have very much to offer, but what they have – they’re willing to share with me!
In Kairos we try to apply an ‘open door’ policy – so that everyone knows that they are welcome at any time. The most important feeling in the world is to feel loved. The very worst feeling in the world is to feel rejected. Our heart’s desire in Kairos is to create an atmosphere where everyone feels welcome – whatever their race – religion – or life choices. We believe it is in the heart of Jesus to be accepting. We realise it isn’t always easy to accept people who do not act or think the way we do. But Jesus did it all the time. He went to the homes of those who seemingly worked against Him. He ate with sinners and saints. He didn’t even preach to them. He drank water from the hand of a prostitute. He visited and made His presence felt.
I could not survive if I were not part of a strong community. I need a group of people who continue to have my best interests at heart. A group of people who do not wait until tears stream down my face, but who know how to read my heart. A telephone call at the right moment, a card or message just to say they love me. A flower wrapped in a paper – all equally important to a solitary heart.
I want to be predictable. I want people to know exactly what I’ll do in any given circumstance. I need them to know that if I say I’ll be there, I’ll keep my word, and I’ll be there for them. I need to be a person of character so others can learn from me and become people who are dependable and trustworthy. I can only do this by being a good example and building a community around me of people who feel the same. Everyone longs to be part of a group where there is no need of ‘airs and graces’ where everyone can be themselves. This does not happen overnight but comes through trust that is built up over time. When we feel we can let down our barriers of fear and anxiety and allow ourselves to become vulnerable, then we find that we are surrounded by people who love us and expect nothing in return.
Community is what Jesus built with His disciples. He worked with the same men day and night. He knew when they were sad and He knew when they needed encouragement or rebuke. He hasn’t changed and today He’s still looking for people who are willing to take a risk, those who are willing to come under authority and be there for others.
It starts with the first step. Someone trusting someone. Someone allowing themselves to be vulnerable. Someone opening their heart to make room for someone else, enlarging the circle of love - until its arms encompass all who come near. The only place this happens is home, yet if you’re far away from your biological home what can be done? You start at the bottom and work up!
Our Kairos Community is not perfect - it is flawed because we are there. But one thing is for sure, it is a welcoming place for those who are hurting. It is a safe place for those in crisis and it’s a healing place for those who have been scarred. There’s room in our community for you – unless you’re one of the tiny percentage who doesn’t need anyone. We will still be here for you though – when the time eventually comes or the circumstances come crashing down and you need that someone who will be there without judging. We extend our hand of friendship to you – we wait for you with open arms.
Wendy Tomin
Co-Pastor, Kairos Christian Centre
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